8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
