I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
