meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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