she woke up with a sticky ear
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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