my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
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