oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
