8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
