who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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