you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
