Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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