i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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