I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
