I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
