he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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