Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
