I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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