Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
These tits shall not be calmed
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
