he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
