Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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