By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
