I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
