I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
