Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
