I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
My liver just had a heart attack.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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