"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
