Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
