Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
