i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
