She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
