I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
