She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
