If that was your dad, he is hot
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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