He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
