I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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