You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
