At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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