Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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