The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
