In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
not ubering you a puppy
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
