is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
