It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
