I need help removing her.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
wanna go halves on a baby?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
