She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
i think i just lost a toe
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
