i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
