Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
