I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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