Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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