Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
