come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
