I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
