If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
