sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
