she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
