dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
tell me about the fingering
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