My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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