you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
she smelled like a LAN party
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
