Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
