Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
this is an emotional support booty call
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
